someone: what are your plans for the weekend
me: who knows
me: (i know)
me: (i'm not leaving the house)
getoffmybloghoe: My girlfriend got charged for beastiality because I’m an animal in bed
My BFF Coming out to her 89 Year old Grandmother
BFF: Grandmother I need to talk to you
Grandma: [concerned voice] What? What is it? Are you sick?
BFF: No, no. Grandma. I'm gay.
BFF: I'm gay Grandma. I have a girlfriend now.
Grandma: [relieved voice] Oh honey, is that all? I thought you had cancer. Anytime someone needs to tell me something they are sick. Who's your girlfriend, when is her birthday? I'll bake her a pie.
alltsunandnodere: agayofgays: I FIGURED IT OUT THE ‘THE’ IS SIDEWAYS, RIGHT? BECAUSE YOU READ THE THE WITH ALL THREE OF THE PHRASES ‘IMAGINE THE SKY’ ‘HOW IS THE SKY’ ‘TOUCH THE SKY’ IT’S STILLSTUPID BUT I FIGURED IT THE F OUT YOU ARE A GOD AMONG MEN.
baby-scars: yahoo is going to delete every blog that doesn’t reblog my selfies sorry i don’t make the rules
tablespoons: those albums that you can listen to straight through without skipping any songs
chickensandwich: when i have tons of money i will still buy cheap clothes because then i can have 100 articles of clothing for the price of 1 really expensive designer item and i will have a lot of money left for food
broternia: i was just out taking a walk and some woman slowly stopped her car next to me and she was all like “excuse me” and i was freakin out like oh my god she’s going to kill me or ask for directions or something, my life is over, and she was like “take this” and she handed me a 10 dollar bill and she was like “get yourself a haircut so you can get a job you fucking hippie” i’m laaughing so...
fefeferi: when u accidentally hurt ur friends feelings and they insist that its fine but u know it isnt
lameborghini: my spidey sense is tellin me that ur a little bitch
hitlervevo: when the smart kid gets a bad grade when couples at school break up fights over facebook comments girls crying over their school pictures can we all just talk about how sadistic we are
upgraders: upgraders: that feeling you get when you’re angry anger
Today I got a detention for standing up for what I...
Teacher: Write down 3 things you dislike about yourself
Me: *sits there*
Teacher: Ciara, why aren't you writing?
Me: I can't do this. I will take a zero, sorry.
Me: Because I refuse to promote self-hate. Because some people in the world can fill out 20 of these front and back with no blank spaces and this can trigger someone.
Teacher: Ciara, you have to do it or I am sending you to the office.
Me: Okay. *gets up and walks to office*
^needs more notes^
If there is a God, He will have to beg my forgiveness.– A phrase that was carved on the walls of a concentration camp cell during WWII by a Jewish prisoner (via dulcetdecember)
jerkofanassbutt: andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels: ohyousillypotato: what i’m looking for in a man: will lend me his hoodies good sense of humor is a cutie patootie will slay my enemies in a brutal display of violence and paint his face with their blood good taste in music Dean Winchester. You’re looking for Dean Winchester
a-study-in-gay: razzledazzy: razzledazzy: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY SCHOOL I JUST SAW A PERSON DRESSED AS A DROP OF HOTSAUCE it’s blood. it’s a drop of blood. for a blood drive.
textpoops: hitlervevo: textpoops: hitlervevo: today i learned that you can text the police if you’re dead Actually no you can’t because you’re dead please do not spread lies to the relatively easily deceived tumblr community STOP I MEANT TO TYPE ‘DEAF’ What I can’t hear you
dorfs: Woops my 10 minute study break turned into a whole year
lesbiansandthelivingdead: sheisahopelessromantic: marrymyface: bisexual guys are assumed to be secretly gay bisexual girls are assumed to be secretly straight both are assumed to secretly like men see what i’m getting at? #men in society: forever believing that the world revolves around their dicks #talk about egocentricism Don’t forget that gay men are gay because they lacked a...
pearls: pearls: i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard
simplymykayla: cnnbreakingofficial: if tumblr was bought out for $1.1B and there are 60 million blogs that means each blog is worth an average of $18.30 my blog is worth more than i am
thatfunnyblog: KATE MIDDLETON’S BABY WILL BE THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE AND IF THAT ISN’T THE GREATEST NEWS YOU’VE HEARD TODAY THEN YOU CAN GET OUT OF MY FACE.
me: (crying) uGH I HATE THIS SHOW
mom: then stop watching it
me: no you don't understand
n3ck-deep: If you want to eat pizza and watch Lord of the Rings or Star Wars all day with the occasional sexual break, then you are marriage material.
jonnovstheinternet: lzbth: swag won’t pay the bills but apparently neither will your degree crying and it’s not because of laughter
vriska: hey, just a reminder that holding suicide over someone’s head is emotional abuse. if you have someone who tells you that they’ll kill themselves if you leave them, if you stop talking to them, if you do something they do not want you to do, that is abuse- and you have every right to get out of that situation.
lea-michele: WHEN PEOPLE COME ON TUMBLR AFTER A SHOW HAS AIRED AND GET MAD ABOUT SPOILERS I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT DID YOU EXPECT IT’S LIKE WALKING INTO A ONE DIRECTION CONCERT AND GETTING MAD THAT THERE ARE TEENAGE GIRLS THERE
taylorswiftisawinchester: deadthingsmikey: I kind of have a feeling that Garth is just going to pop up next season, like… WELL HE DOES HAVE A SEASON 9 STORY AS SAID BY DJ QUALLS SO….
keep-calm-stay-healthy: recovery-ghost: Sometimes you make an argument that’s so solid and logical that you’re absolutely certain you got your point across, then someone replies to it with something so mindblowingly stupid that you have no idea how they managed to graduate from middle school.